During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
