I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
