Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
