What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
