apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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