At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's never too late to be topless.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
