Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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