we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
