Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
