you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
