People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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