did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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