Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
