I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
