Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
