At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
