I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
