I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
