Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
