Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
