I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
