So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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