what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
