every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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