I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
