You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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