you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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