Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
