soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
