based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
