the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
