im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
