Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
BRING THE BAGELS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
