Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
