ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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