Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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