At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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