I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
