Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
