What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
