My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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