Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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