guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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