True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
