I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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