she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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