I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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