She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
