why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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