his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
