I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jerry, you need to find god
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
