she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
