You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
