On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My vagina is officially offended.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
