Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
