Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
