Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
