woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
