you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
