youre lurking in front of me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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