where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
