I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
