A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
