yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
