Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
