I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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