i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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