Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
