I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
