I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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