So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
