The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
