I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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