living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
