I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
